MY SNOWMAN WANTS A COAT AND SCARF

WELL YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT BUT ME AND THE WIFE
MADE A SNOWMAN AND HE CAME TO LIFE
WE'D GONE TO BED LIKE WE'D ALWAYS DONE BEFORE
THEN AT AT 10 TO 12 HE KNOCKED ON OUR DOOR

HE SAID YOU MADE ME WITH NO CLOTHES YOU SEE
I'D LIKE YOU TO SPARE MY DIGNITY
YOU MAY WELL THINK THAT THIS SEEMS DAFT
BUT COULD I BORROW A COAT AND SCARF.

I SAID YOURE HAVING A LAUGH
A SNOWMAN WHO WANTS A COAT AND SCARF
NOW GO AWAY THIS CAN'T BE REAL
TOO MUCH SHERRY IN MY HEAD I FEEL

HE SAID COME ON ME OLD MATE ITS CHRISTMASTIME
ITS ALL TOO SHORT THIS LIFE OF MINE
MY FEET ARE LIKE ICE AND I'M FREEZING COLD
AS A SNOWMAN I NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO GROW OLD

ITS ALL RIGHT FOR YOU IN YOUR NICE WARM HOUSE
WITH YOUR GORGEOUS WIFE AND YOUR COSY COUCH
BUT WHAT ABOUT ME I'M AS COLD AS ICE
ALL ALONE IN THIS SNOW AND THAT'S NOT NICE

I JUST WANT TO BE WARM BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE LONG
AND IN THE MORNING I'LL HAVE GONE
SO DON'T JUST STAND THERE HAVE A HEART
AND LEND YOUR SNOWMAN A COAT AND SCARF.

THEY CALL HER CHRISTMAS CAROL

THEY CALL HER CHRISTMAS CAROL
IT'S CHRISTMAS THIS AND THAT
SHE DECORATES THE WHOLE HOUSE UP
WITH TACKIEST CHRISTMAS TAT

THERE'S TINSEL IN THE BATHROOM
THERE'S LIGHTS UP IN THE HALL
IT'S CHRISTMAS CAROLS CHRISTMAS WISH
TO CHRISTMATIZE US ALL

SHE'S GOT SANTAS IN THE HALLWAY
SNOWMEN IN THE LOO
YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON MOVING
OR SHE'LL DECORATE YOU TOO

SHE BUYS HER CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
IN THE EARLY SPRING
SHE BLASTS OUT ALL HER CHRISTMAS SONGS
UNTIL HER EARHOLES RING

THERE'S CARDS UP IN THE BEDROOM
THERE'S PRESENTS IN HER LAV
ITS GOOD OLD CHRISTMAS CAROL
ON THE CRIMBO WARPATH.

WHY DON'T CHRISTMAS GO AWAY?

CHRISTMAS HAS COME AND MY MONEYS ALL GONE WHAT AM I GONNA DO
IVE HAD A LITTLE LOOK IN MY BANK ACOUNT AND OLD SANTA CLAUS IS DUE
ALL THE PARTIES ARE PLAYING SLADE AND THE'RE SWAYING AND I AIN'T GOT NO DOUGH
ANOTHER LITTLE IN THE BANK ACCOUNT AND WHERE THE CASH WENT I DON'T KNOW.

SO WHY DON'T CHRISTMAS GO AWAY
CHRISTMAS TIME IS SUCH A PAIN
12 MONTHS ON AND ITS BACK AGAIN
WHY DON'T CHRISTMAS GO AWAY.

I HATE ALL THE FROST AND CRINGE AT THE COST
CHRISTMAS TIMES NO FUN
ANOTHER LITTLE LOOK IN THE BANK ACCOUNT BUT ALL MY MONEYS GONE
WE'LL SING THE SAME SONGS AND WATCH THE SAME FILMS, CHRISTMAS TIMES A BORE
WHEN YOU'VE NO MONEY IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT ITS A NIGHTMARE WHEN YOUR POOR.

SO I FOUND ME A JOB TO EARN A FEW BOB NOW CHRISTMAS TIME IS FUN
ANOTHER LITTLE LOOK IN THE BANK ACCOUNT NOW THE PARTY TIMES BEGUN
SO I'M OFF TO THE SHOPS WITH ALL OF MY DOSH WITH A BIG LONG CHRISTMAS LIST
NOW IVE A FEW QUID IN MY BANK ACCOUNT TO BUY PRESSIES FOR THE KIDS.

NOW WHY DON'T CHRISTMAS COME TO STAY
LETS HAVE CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY
SINCE GOOD FORTUNE CAME MY WAY
I'D HAVE CHRISTMAS EVERDAY.

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (DIVORCE LYRICS)

ON THE 1ST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME

ON THE 2ND DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

YOUR CRAP IN BED AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME

ON THE 3RD DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOUR CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 4TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 5TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME

ON THE 6TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 7TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

YOUR'E A DRUNKEN BASTARD,

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 8 TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

YOUR'E A WOMANISER,

YOUR'E A DRUNKEN BASTARD,

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 9TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

I NEVER GOT AFFECTION,

YOUR'E A WOMANISER,

YOUR'E A DRUNKEN BASTARD,

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.
ON THE 10TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME
THROW ME THE HOUSE-KEYS,

I NEVER GOT AFFECTION,

YOUR'E A WOMANISER,

YOUR'E A DRUNKEN BASTARD,

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 11TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

SIGN ME OFF YOUR PENSION,

THROW ME THE HOUSE KEYS,

I NEVER GOT AFFECTION,

YOUR'E A WOMANISER,
YOU'RE A DRUNKEN BASTARD,
I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

ON THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SAID TO ME

PACK YOUR BAGS YOUR'E LEAVING,

SIGN ME OFF YOUR PENSION,

THROW ME YOUR HOUSE KEYS,

I NEVER GOT AFFECTION,

YOUR'E A WOMANISER,

YOUR'E A DRUNKEN BASTARD,

I'VE FOUND A LOVER,

DECREE NISI.

YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT,

YOUR'E TODGERS TINY,

YOU'RE CRAP IN BED,

AND I WANT YOU TO DIVORCE ME.

(ANY CHANCE I CAN KEEP THE BUDGIE?)

BUCK A ROO MADE MY CHRISTMAS

THE 25TH DAY OF DECEMBER WAS THE DAY I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER
IT WAS 1976 WHEN I WAS THRILLED TO BITS
THERE WAS A PRESENT UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE
IN THE BIGGEST BOX YOU EVER DID SEE

BUCK A ROO BECAME MY FAVOURITE TOY
HE FILLED MY LIFE WITH SO MUCH JOY
BUCK A ROO I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU
YOU MAKE ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE

MASTERMIND, OPERATION, MOUSETRAP
WERE REALLY OH SO VERY CRAP
LUDO,CHESS, AND MONOPOLY
WERE REALLY NOT THE TOYS FOR ME

ALL I SEEM TO WANT TO DO
IS REACH OUT FOR MY BUCK A ROO
KER PLUNKS IS BALLS AND VERY LAME
BUT NOT MY ROOTIN, TOOTING BUCKING GAME